The Parent Trap

We've been going through a sermon series at Skycrest titled "Reel Families." The idea is to take titles of well known movies and build the talk around them. Yesterday we explored The Parent Trap. The whole talk was essentially an interview with T. C. and Rebecca Staton who are two of the most effective parents I know anything about. (If you weren't there it is really worth a listen at www.skycrestfamily.org.)

In in preparing this study, I became convinced of an aspect of parenting I had previously thought little about--parental discipline. As I read through the book of Proverbs, I rediscovered the familiar encouragements and benefits of disciplining children for the child's sake.

Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.

Proverbs 23:13-14
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.

Reading those verses reminded and even reinspired me about the benefits of discipline for my children. But it wasn't until I read Proverbs 29:17-18 that it all fell into place for me.

Proverbs 29:17-18
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law.

I would imagine I've heard no less than 15 sermons on Proverbs 29:18. The NAS says, "Where there is no vision the people are unrestrained ...." The talks are always about cultivating vision for the future and then working towards it. But as I read verse 18 in context with verse 17, my understanding about what Solomon was teaching began to change.

At first I saw it as an echo to the other proverbs as it related to my children and discipline: If they are disciplined throughout life they will be blessed. But then I realized this verse was not about the benefits of discipline to my children. This verse was about the benefits of discipline to me!

Look at verse 17 again. Who gets the peace? Whose soul is delighted? The parent's! From that perspective it's clear that verse 18's invitation to cultivate vision as a means to restraint is for the parent. The idea is that parents need to have a vision of the benefits of discipline so they will be disciplined in their parenting. And the promise is that if a parent is disciplined in keeping the law as it relates to training their children, then they will be blessed.

The laws of sowing and reaping apply to raising children. You cannot reap what you do not sow. If you aren't disciplined as a parent, then you will not have discplined children. If you don't consistently honor God and His word in disciplining and discipling your children, then they won't honor God and His word as they respond.

The Parent Trap that we identified yesterday was the trap of being a reactive parent. This is parenting with emotions only, always responding to your children based upon the level of agitation or embarassment they cause. Needless to say, reactive parenting is extremely undisciplined and unpredictable. The boundaries are always moving based on your mood and the result is that the child can't gain any traction or confidence because they never know where they stand.

On the other hand, God's word teaches proactive parenting which has a vision for the value of discipline for both parent and child. It is not easy. It demands prayer, creativity, intentionality, authenticity, and a willingness to make the difficult decision to hold your kids accountable for their actions. Hebrews 12:11 casts a compelling vision for disciplined parenting. "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

It is always a challenge to discipline yourself to be a parent and not just a friend to your children, but in the end disciplined discipline is a gracious act of love that equips the child for God-honoring success in life.