We've been going through a sermon series at Skycrest titled "Reel Families." The idea is to take titles of well known movies and build the talk around them. Yesterday we explored The Parent Trap. The whole talk was essentially an interview with T. C. and Rebecca Staton who are two of the most effective parents I know anything about. (If you weren't there it is really worth a listen at www.skycrestfamily.org.)
In in preparing this study, I became convinced of an aspect of parenting I had previously thought little about--parental discipline. As I read through the book of Proverbs, I rediscovered the familiar encouragements and benefits of disciplining children for the child's sake.
Proverbs 19:18
Discipline your son, for in that there is hope; do not be a willing party to his death.
Proverbs 23:13-14
Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die. Punish him with the rod and save his soul from death.
Reading those verses reminded and even reinspired me about the benefits of discipline for my children. But it wasn't until I read Proverbs 29:17-18 that it all fell into place for me.
Proverbs 29:17-18
Discipline your son, and he will give you peace; he will bring delight to your soul. Where there is no revelation, the people cast off restraint; but blessed is he who keeps the law.
I would imagine I've heard no less than 15 sermons on Proverbs 29:18. The NAS says, "Where there is no vision the people are unrestrained ...." The talks are always about cultivating vision for the future and then working towards it. But as I read verse 18 in context with verse 17, my understanding about what Solomon was teaching began to change.
At first I saw it as an echo to the other proverbs as it related to my children and discipline: If they are disciplined throughout life they will be blessed. But then I realized this verse was not about the benefits of discipline to my children. This verse was about the benefits of discipline to me!
Look at verse 17 again. Who gets the peace? Whose soul is delighted? The parent's! From that perspective it's clear that verse 18's invitation to cultivate vision as a means to restraint is for the parent. The idea is that parents need to have a vision of the benefits of discipline so they will be disciplined in their parenting. And the promise is that if a parent is disciplined in keeping the law as it relates to training their children, then they will be blessed.
The laws of sowing and reaping apply to raising children. You cannot reap what you do not sow. If you aren't disciplined as a parent, then you will not have discplined children. If you don't consistently honor God and His word in disciplining and discipling your children, then they won't honor God and His word as they respond.
The Parent Trap that we identified yesterday was the trap of being a reactive parent. This is parenting with emotions only, always responding to your children based upon the level of agitation or embarassment they cause. Needless to say, reactive parenting is extremely undisciplined and unpredictable. The boundaries are always moving based on your mood and the result is that the child can't gain any traction or confidence because they never know where they stand.
On the other hand, God's word teaches proactive parenting which has a vision for the value of discipline for both parent and child. It is not easy. It demands prayer, creativity, intentionality, authenticity, and a willingness to make the difficult decision to hold your kids accountable for their actions. Hebrews 12:11 casts a compelling vision for disciplined parenting. "No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."
It is always a challenge to discipline yourself to be a parent and not just a friend to your children, but in the end disciplined discipline is a gracious act of love that equips the child for God-honoring success in life.
Monday, April 27, 2009
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Mulish Disposition
In my Wednesday night Bible study at Skycrest I have been teaching through the Samuels and have finally come to the soap opera that is David's home life. WOW! If only he had exercised a little vision, a little restraint, a little self-control, if only ....
But as you know, he didn't. When he should have been off leading the troops in Holy War against God's enemies, he was at home waging war against boredom. On that fateful afternoon boredom won and David and Bathsheba, Uriah, the royal family, the nation of Israel, and God's kingdom were all dealt a devastating blow whose repercussions would be felt for generations.
We know that for about a year David went on with business as usual until Nathan the prophet dropped by on God's behalf and told David that the jig was up, the secret was out. Nathan knew and, of course, God knew. David was going to have to pay because, as God put it, "You despised me." God couldn't allow himself to be mocked and David immediately began reaping the rotten fruit of his indiscretion.
Out of this period of devastation emerge two wonderful psalms. We are all familiar with Psalm 51. It is the song that David wrote as he dealt honestly with his sin, begging God to forgive him and restore the joy of his walk with God--the joy of God's salvation. But we may not be as familiar with the psalm that presumably followed this confession, Psalm 32.
Psalm 32 begins with David acknowledging the blessing of God's forgiveness and the fact that God holds no grudges once our sin has been dealt with. Then David describes what his life was like before he acknowledged the elephant in the room of his heart. "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer." (Psalm 32:3-4)
The sin between he and God made David a shell of his former self. His unwillingness to acknowledge his sin was sucking the life right out of him because the hand of the Lord against him was suffocating his spirit. While he had convinced himself that he had gotten away with it on the outside, it was killing him on the inside. So God sent Nathan along in the lifeboat of truth to instigate the healing and the health of God's gracious forgiveness.
Now looking back, David teaches us how to avoid the painful lessons of unconfessed sin--don't be like a mule! Seriously, take a look at Psalm 32:9! "Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you." In order for us to avoid the unnecessary pain of unforgiven sin, we have to overcome our stubborn mulish tendencies and choose the self-discipline of confession.
David clearly did not do that. The day Nathan came he put the bit in David's mouth and led him back to the Lord. Now in retrospect, David realizes that this was a grace from God that he didn't deserve and may not even enjoy the next time. David's admonishment to the reader is to avoid that painful scenario by recognizing when God is inviting confession and offering the relief of reconciliation. "Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found ..." (Psalm 32:6)
David understood that the agony of his soul was an invitation from God. It was the healthy guilt that God sends that demands attention, that alerts us to the fact that now is the time that God can be found. When this gracious guilt is present, we must not choose a mulish disposition, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge our shortcomings. Instead, we should humble ourselves and admit to God our need for him so we can enjoy the blessings of his forgiveness.
But as you know, he didn't. When he should have been off leading the troops in Holy War against God's enemies, he was at home waging war against boredom. On that fateful afternoon boredom won and David and Bathsheba, Uriah, the royal family, the nation of Israel, and God's kingdom were all dealt a devastating blow whose repercussions would be felt for generations.
We know that for about a year David went on with business as usual until Nathan the prophet dropped by on God's behalf and told David that the jig was up, the secret was out. Nathan knew and, of course, God knew. David was going to have to pay because, as God put it, "You despised me." God couldn't allow himself to be mocked and David immediately began reaping the rotten fruit of his indiscretion.
Out of this period of devastation emerge two wonderful psalms. We are all familiar with Psalm 51. It is the song that David wrote as he dealt honestly with his sin, begging God to forgive him and restore the joy of his walk with God--the joy of God's salvation. But we may not be as familiar with the psalm that presumably followed this confession, Psalm 32.
Psalm 32 begins with David acknowledging the blessing of God's forgiveness and the fact that God holds no grudges once our sin has been dealt with. Then David describes what his life was like before he acknowledged the elephant in the room of his heart. "When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer." (Psalm 32:3-4)
The sin between he and God made David a shell of his former self. His unwillingness to acknowledge his sin was sucking the life right out of him because the hand of the Lord against him was suffocating his spirit. While he had convinced himself that he had gotten away with it on the outside, it was killing him on the inside. So God sent Nathan along in the lifeboat of truth to instigate the healing and the health of God's gracious forgiveness.
Now looking back, David teaches us how to avoid the painful lessons of unconfessed sin--don't be like a mule! Seriously, take a look at Psalm 32:9! "Do not be like the horse or the mule, which have no understanding but must be controlled by bit and bridle or they will not come to you." In order for us to avoid the unnecessary pain of unforgiven sin, we have to overcome our stubborn mulish tendencies and choose the self-discipline of confession.
David clearly did not do that. The day Nathan came he put the bit in David's mouth and led him back to the Lord. Now in retrospect, David realizes that this was a grace from God that he didn't deserve and may not even enjoy the next time. David's admonishment to the reader is to avoid that painful scenario by recognizing when God is inviting confession and offering the relief of reconciliation. "Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you while you may be found ..." (Psalm 32:6)
David understood that the agony of his soul was an invitation from God. It was the healthy guilt that God sends that demands attention, that alerts us to the fact that now is the time that God can be found. When this gracious guilt is present, we must not choose a mulish disposition, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge our shortcomings. Instead, we should humble ourselves and admit to God our need for him so we can enjoy the blessings of his forgiveness.
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